Friday, March 9, 2012

Gaining Weight. That's Not a Bad Thing

It's not often that one sees weight gain in a human being as a positive thing. We've become a society of thin-conscious ultra freaks that are constantly setting our minds to the latest fad diet and/or drug to help drop a few stones off the ol' frame. Hey, I'm just as guilty as the next person. In fact, I can only think of a few situations where we encourage weight game...(Why don't you name them Trey?) Don't mind if I do.

1) You're studying to become one of the purest sumo rasslers the Earth has to offer and only weigh 180 pounds.
2) Your identical twin and you decide to recreate THIS MASTERPIECE

3) If you're stuck on Gilligan's Island and are looking to build enough girth to plug the hole in the S.S. Minnow. (You know because all the wood, and such that the island provides is not worthy)
4) Your name is Marlon Brando. (Won him an Oscar)
5) Your Halloween costume is post blueberry Veruca Salt
6) The text on that box of Special K is FALSE ADVERTISING, and you're going to be the one to out it.
7) The size 38 Versace jeans you threw 4Gees on currently sits in your closet, 2 sizes too small.
8) The high school kid making minimum wage working the front of the line on a roller coaster says you don't weigh enough to ride.
9) You're Mary Poppins, and all you want to do is open your umbrella because it's raining
10) Your Wii Fit board doesn't register when you step on it.
11) You get folded up in the seat at the movie theater, developing a skin rash as a result.
12) Your cannon balls are so weak your 6 year old niece schools you.
13) People mistake you for Daniel Johns.
14) Man vs. Food has made you millions.
15) You've purchased a digital scale and want to see how high the numbers can go.
16) The 14th hydraulic switch on your pimped out Caddy has stopped working. That switch just happens to tilt the car towards the driver's side.
17) You've been treated to an all you can eat buffet featuring every part of the pig except the snout...okay, it has snout, but it's MINE.
18) Paula Dean
19) You want your daughter to be on Toddlers and Tiaras.
20) You're Holden Flynn and couldn't gain weight...until now

See where I went with that! Holden gaining at a record pace. He might be 10 EL-BE-ESSES for 5 months. Amazin' I tell ya.